Colleen Quotes


  • “She’s my sister, damn it.  I’m not gonna sit here with my thumb up my ass when my sister needs help.”
  • On seeing former classmates at high school reunions:  “Bald heads, beer guts, and hair sprouting out of places God never intended.”
  • “Honey, if any of our tests come back positive, I’ll dig up the bodies with you so we can beat them with baseball bats.”
  • “I know this’ll come as a surprise, but I was a bit of a juvenile delinquent.”
  • “What do you mean, I rubbed off on her?  I never even slept with a sheep farmer that I know of.”

  • “I just figured out that maybe the reason I’ve gotten married so many times is because they’re men.”
  • “Naw, I didn’t get laid that time, I just got drunk.  I got laid the next day up in the organ loft at church.  God, I miss high school.”
  • “I bought fifteen pairs of shoes!  Lordy!  I damn near had an orgasm right there in the mall.”
  • “Do you want us to break into his house and go through his stuff?”

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